Christian

Drinking two cups of coffee is a poor decision for me. Ever. But drinking two cups of coffee at 10:30 at night... REALLY poor decision. But it's caused me to want to start writing in my blog again so I guess it was worth it.

I have been really thinking lately about how embarrassed I am to be a Christian.

YES. I said that.

So many people around me who are heavily involved in local churches, who work with youth, and go on missions trips make me want to cry.

Why?

Because they are living lives that look extremely similar to those of the Pharisees.

The Pharisees were so wrapped up in the law and doing everything by "code" that they missed Jesus... when He was staring them in the face.... begging them to see Him.

Jesus was on the streets with the beggars, the tax collectors, and the harlots. He didn't care about His appearance, His pride, or His personal emotions. He only had one thing on His mind and that was showing those around Him the Heavenly Father who loved them and wanted to call them Sons and Daughters.

It absolutely makes my heart break to see this happening all over again today. So many times I hear "Christians" shoving their religion down other people's necks in a judgmental and condescending way. Since when did sharing the Gospel with someone mean showing them how wrong they are and showing them how right we are?

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God" Ephesians 2:8

It makes me sick to see and hear Christians who think that they have earned Salvation and that other people are so sinful that they need to be called out and called to repentance.

This is not my Jesus.

I serve a God of mercy and grace. This is the only reason I live and have the privilege of showing and telling others about this LOVE and JOY I have found.

Of course I am not speaking to all Christians. And I am in no way claiming to be perfect. Everyone and anyone can easily lose sight of what is truly important. Satan works hard at turning our eyes off of Him. I simply challenge you as a fellow Sister in Christ to look hard at your approach to those who do not yet realize the amazing gift of Life being offered to them. Every action you take and every word you say make an impact.

Suffering...

Suffering is an unpleasant topic. Plain and simple. However, this past week... it has come up a lot in my discussions... particularly at church: sunday school, the church service, and small group.

There are two times in my life that really stir in me when I hear the word suffer. The most recent would be watching a dear, dear man in my life suffer and eventually lose his life to a disease he obtained through a blood transfusion. Mr. Gary Stauffer was one of the greatest men I knew and I truly looked to him as a second dad.

1 Peter 5:10 says: “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you stronger, firm and steadfast.”

This was my hope... this was my prayer. That through this suffering God would shape me and mold me and grow me. And that when it was all said and done... I could look back and see how God revealed Himself to me. I praise Him today because I CAN look back and see how He used that really horrible time in my life to mature and strengthen me.

Many people have asked me why God allows suffering in their lives. I never knew what to say until I truly felt that I had suffered. You see... without pain, heartbreak, and sorrow... we would never be able to see and appreciate and crave God's WONDERFUL grace, love and JOY in our lives! What a thing to miss!! The JOY and HOPE that I have found through the times that I have suffered I will cherish and look to for the rest of my life...

Today I found out two very sad things. One being that my precious grandmother (whom I lovingly named Mommles when I was 2... don't ask)... lost her sister today. My Mommles loved her sister more than any sister has ever loved another sister... I promise. It breaks my heart to think of the pain my dear Mommles is going through.

BUT GOD.

He has supplied us with hope. And joy. And peace. I could never imagine going through any type of suffering with out my rock and strength, Jesus Christ.

Romans 5:1-11 – “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s enemies, we were reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. “

Free!!

I know it has been forever since I wrote on my blog.... oops!

But God has been doing huge things in my life these days and I just can't not say anything anymore! So here I go...

God is showing me SO MANY THINGS. I have no idea where to start...

All I know is that for the first time I am truly starting to understand the lessons I have been taught my whole life:

GOD LOVES ME

GOD LIVES IN MY HEART

GOD HAS A PLAN FOR ME

GOD PROTECTS ME

GOD WANTS TO USE ME

GOD PROVIDES JOY, COMPASSION, PEACE, MERCY, STRENGTH

and most of all...

GOD IS FREEDOM!!!

God is freedom from my sin... and I have a lot! He allows me to live everyday even though I am so horribly sinful. And the best thing of all...

God gives me freedom from people; from their judgments; from their expectations; from their hatred; from their hurtfulness; from their disappointments.

I am free when I live my life for the One who gives me the gift of life every single day. I am free when I surrender everything, take up my cross, and follow Him.

Only then do I find true JOY, PEACE, & LOVE.

My heart is so full of God's UNCONDITIONAL love for me today... may my life reflect what you have done me and let your love overflow from my life to those around me.

"Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you." Galatians 5:1 (The Message)

"Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intentends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat - I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I'm leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn't, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God." Luke 23-27 (The Message)

Strength

I know I know... It has been over two months since I posted last... yikes!
I really don't know where to begin...
My summer was absolutely amazing... but not the kind where I spent my days at Hershey Park, lounging by the pool, or taking road trips.
This summer was the most crazy, stressful, educating, stretching, heart-breaking, exciting, interesting, and most of all fast, summer I have ever had.
My last post told you about what I did at my job this summer and I really have nothing else to report because well... my job was pretty much all I could handle this summer!
Although I was completely exhausted both physically and emotionally, God taught me SO MUCH... so much more than I can really sit here and write about.
So I have shortened my whole summer's learning into one word: Strength.
I had absolutely NO strength to get through this job. I had little experience and no degree... and I was afraid of the little 6-8 year old hearts and minds that were wide open in front of me.
But God... HE has strength.
I learned that my abilities and talents were God's to use. I learned that my weaknesses disappear if I let God take control.
For example... I am not patient. But let me just tell you... the second I started feeling impatient I would stop and breath and talk to God. And the next instant I was saying something so compassionate and loving to the small child who just threw a chair at me. THAT IS GOD.
This summer a particular song and verse really spoke to me. The song is called Our God by Chris Tomlin and this is a part of it:
"Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?"
When I was younger, I was terrified of "robbers" that were going to come in and steal my sister or my favorite bear. My mom taught me to quote Psalm 27:1
"The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?"
God is all the strength that I needed to get through this summer and I thank Him so eternally much for helping me to grow, learn, and mature this summer.
Now on to classes...

Spare time is Sparce

Wow... when I first made this blog I had to hold myself back from updating it everyday. Now it seems as though I have NO time AT ALL to even think about blogging!! Such a shame...

Anyways... I thought I would update all of you on my new job since that is all I have time for right now.

For those of you who don't know... I am working at Philhaven (a mental health hospital here in Lancaster) at there summer program called STAP. I am "stationed" in York where we are working out of a church. We work with kids ages 7-14 with mostly behavioral issues... some controllable and some... not so much.

I am one of 7 counselors who run the camp and we also have the help of our camp manager, coordinator, therapist, nurse, and secretary. Each counselor has a partner (except one very capable male counselor since there is an odd number). We all split the kids up into groups of about 10. There is one group for the older kids, 2 groups for the middle aged kids, and one group for the younger kids.

If you know me at all... I would MUCH rather work with the older kids. Unfortunately, the more experienced counselors got to work with the older kids and so I am now in charge of 10, 7-8 year olds. YIKES!!!!

I am working with another counselor who I really like. We are each individually in charge of 5 of the "little kids." These 5 youngsters refer to me as their primary counselor or more informally: Miss Kelly. They are the most precious things I have ever seen and it breaks my heart to read their charts and read through everything their little 7 and 8 year old hearts and minds have had to endure so early on in their lives.

The therapist has come up with 3 goals that she wants each kid to work on this summer and as their primary counselor it is my job to see that they reach those goals. STAP is very relaxed and I can pretty much use my best judgement when picking what groups I want to run and what therapeutic interventions I want to try. It is truly one of the best experiences I have ever had the privilege of being a part of... plus I get paid!!!

However, the job does come with it's cons... Every morning I have to make the 50 minute drive to York where I have to personally pick up 4 of the "campers." Throughout the day I have to make use that everyone is behaving, fill out progress notes, and make parent phone calls when necessary. At the end of the day I have to drive the kids back home and start the long trek back to Lancaster.

God has such a sense of humor... I am working with little kids... AGAIN. I said I never wanted to work with them again... that just shows how I have no control over my life and how God has all of it.

Not only is this job physically draining... it is even more emotionally draining. Everyday my heart breaks all over for these kids. I have little experience and feel completely inadequate for this job... and in all seriousness... I am. Everyday on my long drive home I ask God to please work through me because only He knows why I am working here this summer and only He knows the best way to reach out to these kids.

To end this post I am going to share a few verses that have made a huge impact on this chapter in my life:

Matthew 11:28-30

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light"

2 Corinthians 9:8

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."

Isaiah 41:10

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strenghten you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

I'm a Warrior

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I have had to say goodbye to many of my friends for a whole summer of serving the Lord. I started to wonder if I should feel bad about not going across the country or over-seas this summer, giving up time and money.

Within these past couple of weeks, I keep telling my friends that I will be praying for them as they serve. And I do... faithfully...

So I finally realized: maybe God has me home this summer to teach me something very important...

How to be a prayer warrior

I began to really dig into the Word, looking for scripture to show me exactly how God expects me to pray for my dear friends.

I came upon a very familiar verse:

James 5:16

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

So my prayer to my friends serving God is found in

Ephesians 1:17-18:

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints,"

I miss you all and pray for you daily.

Taylor Dooley: On-Goal Soccer Camp
Grant Lockard: LBC representative at camps

Drew Law: Intern in Gabon, Africa

Bethany Holler: Intern in Gabon, Africa

Nathan Burchill: Intern in Gabon, Africa (sorry Nathan... I had to! This picture defines you!)

Olivia Shaffer: LBC team in South Africa

Evelyn, Joanne, and Angela Stauffer: LBC team in South Africa

It finally feels like summer...

Two weeks ago I had the pleasure of packing all of my belongings up and moving them ten minutes away, back to my house. Without the help of my strapping boyfriend, this was an unpleasant task. To add to the fun, I had to say goodbye to my wonderful friends who I had grown accustom to seeing everyday:

After I had completed all of my end-of-the-semester-projects and 4 finals, I did not get the enjoyment of screaming "I'm done!" or "So glad it's summer!" Nope... I got one weekend to complete several pre-class assignments for what... A SUMMER COURSE! Blah... I had sworn that I would never do that to myself. And yet... there I was from 8:30-4 for a whole week learning how to counsel those who are addicted. (As much fun as I'm having complaining about my summer so far... it really was a good course! I learned a lot!) I now have a 10-15 page paper and a 5-6 page reading report due by July 15th.

After completing my class, I still did not feel freedom or joy because I had to say goodbye to three very special people for the whole summer! Drew (tan coat), Bethany (brown coat), and Nathan (bright purple jacket) are all spending the summer as interns in Gabon, Africa. I have a very tight-knit group who spends our summers together and this summer will just not be the same without them!! We're already bored! Needless to say... I am so very proud of them and extremely excited to see what God will do with their hearts and their lives as they serve Him.

I know, I know... that was a whole post of complaining! I say all of this to get it all out of my system so that I can finally get over it and have a good summer! Today is the first day in a very long time that I have off of work and I am in my swimsuit and ready to get in the pool!

So today I say: I'M FREE! IT'S SUMMER!

Although I will be working 3 jobs and finishing up papers... there are some things that I have to look forward to: vacation with the family in July, spending time with the really awesome friends that did NOT leave me for 3 months, and enjoying the company of someone I am a pretty big fan of:

Happy Summer Everyone!!